a soft drink from cow-urine - little hard to swallow!

First women were beaten up and chased out of the bars in the name of Hindu culture. Next, couples (even a brother-sister pair) were beaten up for being together on Valentine's day, as we , the hindus, are supposed to celebrate only ram leela and not Valentine's day. Now, Cow Protection Department of the RSS wants us to stop drinking "phoren" soft-drinks and drink something made from cow-urine!

The day is not far away when you walk into a Hindu-bar and the menu will look like this:

Drinks:

• Go-mata Sherbet
• Goratna soup
  
• Gaai-Bains-Peshab-MurgaPoonch (MurgaPoonch - Cocktail)
• Dhoodh-Peshab MurgaPoonch
  
• Shudh Peshab
• 98% unleaded Peshab
• 95% unleaded Peshab

Main Course:

• Frozen Peshab sticks
• Gobar Pie
• Gobar Pizza (with Peshab topping)
• Goratna kurma
• Paneer Gobar Masala

God help these guys. Actually, God help us from these guys!

when i say cancel, i mean it!

I had installed McAfee security center and wanted to rid my computer of all the junk it had accumulated over the years. First, the installation slowed down my PC to a near halt as my laptop is a pretty old one with just 512 MB RAM. Then, it took ages to start up security center.
I chose the option for "Quick Clean". Then, i got the below window saying "Cleaning in progress..."

I waited. I waited a bit more. I waited a lot more. I got frustrated and did the obvious, pressed the cancel button. I decided that it just wasn't worth the time to rid my computer of all the evil! Then, the below window showed up, "Cancellation is in progress. Please wait..."

I waited. I waited a bit more. I waited a lot more! I really got frustrated. Now, i wanted a "Cancel the cancel" button! What did the programmers think while making this installer? Isn't "cancel" supposed to mean "I have had enough of this. Just get the hell out of the installer"?

Impact of recession

There is a rat in my pants!

Well, the story unfolds in Coimbatore airport, which is probably the same size as mine and my neighbor's apartment put together (No, i don't live in a bungalow, but a regular sized apartment!). I was returning to Chennai by a Jet airways flight from Coimbatore. We were waiting in the lobby after having passed through the security which incidentally was almost the same as the check done by the uniformed guard outside Saravana Bhavan.
There was only one TV kept at the corner of the lobby right next to a mobile coffee shop. So, while Vidhya, Akshara and Vidhya's mom were seated in the front, i went to the corner to find a seat to watch TV. I had just settled down when i felt a sudden itching sensation on the top of my foot (I was wearing a slipper). It was like something had scratched my foot. I jumped up in surprise. The lady at the coffee shop said "Its ok sir. It was just a rat which ran over your foot. It has run away. Don't worry". Since i too saw something running away from me, i kind of calmed down.But, i felt an itch near the knee and on my thigh. So, i was there in the airport, jumping up and down and feeling the sides of my fearing that a rat had gone inside. But, i didn't manage to find anything.
So, i went over to the place where Vidhya was sitting and started narrating this experience. Vidhya got worried and asked me to consult the airport doctor as a precautionary measure. But, i reassured her that it would be ok and started joking about the situation. A few minutes had passed and i felt an itch on my waist at the back and it seemed to "travel" to the left! I quietly excused myself to go to the rest room, just to ensure that all was ok.
Since it was an airport, i guess that the restroom was also designed like the ones inside an airplane, an extremely small box with not even enough room to stretch my hands in either direction. Once inside this box, i undid my pant's buckle and to my utter shock, out jumped an itsy bitsy teenie weenie rattie (Just to make it rhyme!).
Well, it looked like one rat was chasing another and the one chasing took a wrong turn and went up my pants. This rat had just spent almost 5 minutes inside my pants and it was obvious that both of us (the rat and i) were relieved to be relieved of this imprisonment! The rat was delirious with joy and started running all over the place. Well, all over the place wasn't much, as there wasn't much space to run around. i guess that this rat, before entering my pants, was practising for the upcoming rat-race in coimbatore because it started running in circles along the wall of this small room. This rat didn't look like a sprinter, but a marathon runner. So, it would be some time before this rat stopped his practice.
But, there was a problem. i was in the way with my pants down to the ankles. Taking the size of the room into consideration and doing a quick calculation using the formula time = distance/speed, i realised that there wasn't enough time for me to bend down and pull up my pants until the rat reached me on the next round. So, there was i was , with my pants down and jumping up such that my jump exactly coincided with that point of time when the rat was near me. But, i wasn't good at skipping and hadn't played the game where two people on either side of you rotate the skipping rope and the person in the middle jumps up to avoid the skipping rope. So, i knew that it wasn't going to be long before i misjudged my jump and landed right on top of the rat! The animal lover that i am, i wasn't interested in harming this little guy. So, i had to do something and it better be fast.
One option was to just open the door and run out. But, this wasn't the kind of restroom where you have a big room with wash basins and the WCs were inside this room. This was just a room WC. You open the door and walk out to the full view of the airport. I couldn't do this because my pants weren't where they were supposed to be. So, i took the drastic measure of jumping a little higher once and jumping on to the closet (hoping that it was not a low-quality one!). It survived and we (the rat and i) did too! Some more calculations later, i jumped on the floor and managed to run out of the room leaving the rat inside to finish off his marathon practice.
Once out of the room, i went to the airport security and asked to meet the airport doctor. He told me that a new doctor had been appointed the previous day and he was on leave that day! He wanted to know what had happened and i explained the situation briefly to him. He said" Sir, it must be the common rat, nothing to worry. Nothing will happen"!!! Common rat it may be, but there was nothing common about a rat in my pants!
it was time for my flight to leave, so i had to leave the airport after writing a complaint in the suggestion box. But, i guess it will be passed on as toilet paper in the restroom!

Moral of the story: Never ever be stuck in the middle of a rat-race!

Motto of USA - Live life big size

It is a known fact that Americans like it big, so big that visitors from outside the US start to feel a sense of "small"ness. I came back from Seattle last weekend (my third trip to the US) and looking back at my experiences there, my world is tiny compared to theirs.

• I am used to buying tshirts of size L or XL. But, it was a surprise to me that i had to choose medium or even small in some shops when i was in the US. I was flattered. I remember, back in school, that friends used to joke that one doesn't need to wear underwear if you were wearing a over sized tshirt, as the bottom of the tshirt fell way below your waistline. if a normal person were to try on the XL sizes available in the US, you don't even near to wear socks/shoes!
• i have seen the size XL and rarely XXL, but only in the US have i seen the size XXXL. There are also separate sections called "Big and Tall" which ironically have a small size too. Of course, the small in these sections can easily fit in my entire family!
• Small in the US is not small for the rest of the world. When we were at a movie, i ordered a small coke. The "small" coke arrived in a cup almost as long as my ... fore-arm!
  
• In one of the cafes in Chicago airport, i saw a mom (super-sized one) feeding her small baby (a small one not capable of talking yet, sitting inside a stroller) french fries. No wonder, the average american turns out to be a super-sized adult.
• Everyone knows COSTCO, the wholesaler where everything is cheap compared to other stores. But, there is a catch. You can only buy huge american-sized stuff. That would mean you have buy at least 5 kgs of potato chips or few kilos of chocolates.

God help america!
No wonder stores like COSTCO are so popular, where the smallest chips packet would be the 1 kg one.

Living life vegas style

Pickup from the Hilton las vegas in a stretch limo and then a helicopter flight to the bottom of the grand canyon - Cool ! Look out for more photos and updates on my seattle trip blog.